Dunno about anyone else but one of the reasons I used was so I could seperate my "game face" from my feelings. When I first got clean I remember that my feelings were so damn intense I felt like I was bursting with emotions, and not all of them were the sort of emotions that other people wanted to know about.
The gift of being clean is being able to feel our feelings without any dampers or filters.... the gift of recovery.. working the steps and incorporating spiritual principles in our lives is being able to express our feelings in an appropriate manner without causing harm to ourselves or others.
You have a right to all of your feelings..
Thanks for the post .. helps me see I'm not the only one that struggles with being real versus feigning superficiality for someone elses benefit. Seems maybe that'd be a bit codependant ?