Thanks 2Dayz. I am. I am. This is killing me.
Could it be because I've always feigned happiness, and joy even when I was not in the mood? I am living life honestly now, and don't want to just pretend when it isn't the best time for me. I was raised to "never let em see you down". Another words by strict German upbringing to always put your best face forward even if you are crying inside. I just do NOT do that anymore.
Maybe that's it?