Thanks I am fine with my choices. I can choose to finish my recovery without bottles and an alcoholic in the same place I live. Or decide it makes no difference. (No temptation, done with that.)
I have news for you. While drinking we are manipulative and can play our spouses easily. Thank goodness I was not mean or blackout or had trouble with stupid decisions while drinking resulting in legal difficulties.
But when all is said and done, while drinking I was just plain self indulgent until my tolerance grew and my body could not function at all without it and until I got that alcohol in my coffee kept down in the morning to stop the shakes, I was sick. That was every morning until bedtime every day for the last two years I drank. Before that it was just a 12 pack a night and a case on days off in one day.
We know we are in trouble, but can't get it together to stop. When I quit it was for good from the moment I checked myself into the hospital for a safe medical detox. I was quitting to live. I'll be danged if I was going to die or be disabled by seizures when I was going to try to live.
Now anything I was going through I was doing to myself. For me to say the devil or the substance itself made me do it is disingenuous at best. I used to think of it like stabbing myself in the leg with my own knife, and complaining about the blood looking for sympathy. Saying voices made me do it, poor me wasn't making sense either, unless I was a schizophrenic like my half brother.
I did it. My poor choice. I sobered up, better choice.
Living is much easier sober. Life still can suck. But I can at least deal with what I can and know I did the best I could. My best can be pretty good. Drinking my best was substandard.
I can say that I will live sober to my last breath. For me. I wish you the best.
I like to say take care, from yourself.