Originally Posted by
Itchy 
Why are you asking? Looking to save an alcoholic family member? I am recovered and know why I quit and have almost three years sober. No one can help you or tell you anything to motivate another to quit. They have to decide that. I have an AW and she is progressing in her alcoholism quite predictably. She was a really neat person once. It is painful to know where she is going. I have been partway there and had my fill. Nothing anybody can do for the addiction of another. You can decide things for you, like whether to stay or leave. Anything about the other is strictly up to them. Getting others to save them by manipulation, emotional blackmail, control issues, were not my MO as an alcoholic. It is for most.
Sorry but you just get to watch until it is too painful or they decide they have had enough of their addiction. Same decision we make about being near them.
No. I'm past the point of trying to find some magical sentence, phrase, point, or words to "break the spell". I do, however, wish to gain a better understanding of what my AH goes through. My anger is fading. He may never stop. He may stop for the rest of his life. He may stop and then relapse. Etc..there are many possible outcomes. We have been married for a little over six months and I'm proud of the progress I've made as far as letting go of unrealistic fantasies. It took me a minute to understand the scope of his problem. Now that I have a better understanding of it, it helps me very much to find more peace. S so, I figure the more understanding I have from looking at the other side of the story, the easier it becomes.
He's made a lot of emotional progress / is having more moments of complete undiluted honesty he shares with me, and I tell him I'm very proud of that and that I am able to feel respect for his honesty and willingness to be open. That I know it's hard, and I'm proud. Having more understanding has made it more effective for me when getting him to open up - he feels safer to do so. And regardless, that has eased tensions.
I'm not expecting that his progress in that area is going to get him to do the work it takes to stop drinking. Anything is possible. I'm feeling more peaceful about the fact that I have a couple of options if he never does quit: I can leave, or I can accept him as he is. I'm aware that I may reach a point where I am no longer willing to accept this as my life, and will leave. Of course, I didn't get married so I could get divorced, but I understand that this is a very real possibility. And I'm accepting that. I'm making progress.
I'm sorry for your pain. Thank you so much for sharing your experience - from both sides of the coin. The more insight I gain, the easier it all is.
