1)What made you WANT to stop drinking?
I went on a 3 week binge around the holiday season (commemorating a very painful breakup with someone I truly loved) when every time I did not have to work, I would just be drinking. I felt like I could not stop and it was scary because I know I am an alcoholic and I had 5 years sober before I started drinking again.
2)What was the driving force(s) that motivated you to quit?
It's not a way to live and I knew that things would get far worst drinking wise if I did not quit here and there
3)What was your "bottom"?
I was planning my suicide and making arrangements. I had googled all the local bridges, access to them, was looking into funeral costs so I would not be a burden to my friends.
4)What made you decide that finally enough was enough?
It was either go back to recovery or suicide.
5)If any of you struggled with having so much guilt or shame that you felt it was pointless to even try, or to care, what changed that thought process for you?
N/A
6)Before you got sober, what were some of your biggest obstacles to overcome before you were in the right mindset to achieve sobriety?
Popping out of that depression and caring enough to give it a go.
7)Before you could admit to yourself or others that you were an alcoholic, what stopped you from accepting that truth?
Nothing, I knew I was an alcoholic when I started drinking again in 2006. I got away with drinking sometimes a few, sometimes nothing and sometimes >not very often< heavily (alone in the evening) for 6 years with no consequences but I knew that sooner or later the "bullet" would hit me.
8)What did it feel like to be judged for being an alcoholic?
No one knew, I was a closet drinker and I am single and live alone. I would be alone in my house with the phone and social media off.
9)How did you deal with enablers?
I never had my own codie or enabler but I have been on others' codependent and enabler.
10)What aided you in being in denial? What did you tell yourself?
No denial, just not caring anymore and a death wish.
Any other input on the struggles of accepting and overcoming alcoholism are appreciated.
I am a "high" bottom alcoholic and actually I identify much more with other codependents. I know I can never drink safely again and I have to be careful when hearing other alcoholics' stories because my AV could easily say that I am not a "real" alcoholic, that my drinking is a symptom of my codependency.
This is why I work an hybrid program and also go to Women For Sobriety (which is about empowerement rather than character defects) and use AVRT tools. If I only went to AA (which I love btw), there is a chance that the men's "low bottom" stories would give my AV ammunitions.
I am lucky because I have zero cravings or desire to drink (it was the same way when I was in recovery for 5 years before).
So my main challenge is probably to admit that I am a "light weigh" and try to identify and not compare, sometimes identifying is tough, I identify much more with those guys wives and girlfriends LOL.
I have also to be careful to maintain healthy relationship with others (especially romantically) and to not let outside circumstances throw me off.
I always keep in mind that it is not what we drank, how often we drank or how much we drank but how drinking affects us. For me, drinking will send me in a dark night of the soul.