1)What made you WANT to stop drinking? -
Not much. In the end it was the fear of death that motivated me to quit, but I can't say I truly "wanted" to stop when I did.
2)What was the driving force(s) that motivated you to quit? -
The fact that I almost died in front of my family. The fact that I had a baby niece and I wanted to be a good influence. I had another niece that died when she was a baby and never got the chance to live more than 6 months. I was motivated to be a good uncle to her little sister.
3)What was your "bottom"? -
Having a withdrawl seizure on Christmas Eve, probably. Followed by crapping my pants in a hospital bed and shipped off via ambulance to a detox cell where I roomed with a haggard Fidel Castro look-a-like for a couple nights.
4)What made you decide that finally enough was enough? -
See above.
5)If any of you struggled with having so much guilt or shame that you felt it was pointless to even try, or to care, what changed that thought process for you? -
I was very ashamed of myself, but not too ashamed not to try.
6)Before you got sober, what were some of your biggest obstacles to overcome before you were in the right mindset to achieve sobriety? -
I didn't have too much of an internal battle. I was 100% convinced I was fine, up until my bottom.
7)Before you could admit to yourself or others that you were an alcoholic, what stopped you from accepting that truth? -
I suppose I always thought it was "just a phase", or at least told myself that. I was usually drunk by 10am so I didn't have a lot of rational thinking time to analyze it.
8)What did it feel like to be judged for being an alcoholic?
Terrible. Embarrassing. Dejected. The worst judgement came from ME, and it was relentless.
9)How did you deal with enablers?
My enablers were my girlfriend, my drinking buddies, my drug dealers. By the time I got sober I'd lost the girlfriend already. My drinking buddies and dealers were deleted from my life, 100%. A total scorched earth policy with everyone who was a negative influence.
10)What aided you in being in denial? What did you tell yourself? -
I liked to look back and count up all the good things I'd done in life. I'd had a great job, I'd gone to college, I was smart, etc etc. The drinking issue was just a small road bump. I knew my drinking was bad - but I would try and look at the "overall body of work" and manipulate the data in my favor. I told myself I was a very successful guy, and that I deserved to drink as much as I want. I'd earned it.