My exAH recently white-knuckled it though 3 weeks of abstinence (drinking again this week, my daughter drove down to see him today planning to swim but turned around as he was blackout drunk at noon).
During his brief dry drunk period he called with a tearful apology for all the pain he caused (that part is new), misses me, wants to spend time together (that part isn't). Hello, I did not divorce you after 2 decades of marriage in order to spend some quality time with you.
I remain on good speaking terms with him for the sake of our two teenage children, or try to. I can't cut off all contact because lurking in the background is financial support (my oldest's college tuition), which he holds over both of our heads if we aren't nice enough to him. Did I mention he's self centered? He plays the self-pity card, says we only care about him for his paycheck and maybe he won't contribute for the expensive college education after all, how about transferring to community college, and so on. This to a child who grew up worshiping the father who gradually stomped her heart into little pieces.
His calls and emails to me are manipulative and controlling. He says "can we hang out? want to come over for a movie?" I say thanks but no, then he responds with something like this:
"Why do you hate me this much? I miss you, and wish we could spend some time together from time to time. I guess I am dead to you now right?"
After 2 blissful years not living with him, I want nothing more than to ignore this man. But there's a tuition bill coming and I soon will have to ask him for a large sum of money. I can't believe he can still cause this level of stress
