I somehow made it through the day without using. When I went into work a guy wrote a rude thing on a check, some old drinking buddies asked me to hang, and my coworker even offered me a drink yet I miraculously didnt use. Today was absolutely awful but it was better because I didn't pick up. I'm home now, safe, sound, and sober.
Thank you all for replying, it really did help when I felt like I had nowhere to turn.