My wife still drinks. She'll have 2-4 beers after work. I totally understand that agitation because my wife has that and I sure used to have it. It wouldn't go away until I had at least six in me. I try to sit my wife down, look her in the eye, and simply say "what's wrong ... talk to me". I guess now that I'm sober I have the patience for her. I realize that I can't control my wife nor would I want to. It's not about control. I just want to be well and I want her also to be well. That being said she has put up with a lot with me. I took some serious drugs over the years and I demonstrated some bizarre behavior.
I'm not even sure what I've said is germane to your post, but it's what came out. Forgive me if I'm way off the mark. It happens.