Originally Posted by
Flicka57 
-my ex literally started with a divorce process 3 times: once when a lump was discovered in my neck (later removed & benign), once when lump discovered in breast (later removed & benign) and finally he started another divorce attempt & I finished it when they discovered I had a brain tumor.
Again, good for you for removing this unreliable jerk from your life. From what you describe above, it sounds as if you identified this last year, and like the tumors you are dealing with, eradicated this one from your life, too.
Again, I understand the "WHY??!!!" feeling very well. Bottom line - he's an a$$clown and an addict. It is what they do. It isn't fair, nice, considerate, or respectful. As a matter of fact, its downright indecent treatment of another human being, as far as I am concerned.
Said with lots of compassion...maybe, your feelings today are really more about the loss of the dream of a loving, caring, compassionate partner who will stand by you in your time of need? That is an emotion that you don't need to act on. Just feel it, let yourself cry a bit, know it wasn't anything you had any control over and you did the best you could with what you had to work with, and then let that emotion go.
Trying to understand keeps you stuck in it. Keeps you attached to the emotions surrounding it all. Feeling them and allowing them to pass is the only way to truly let go and get your own closure.
Prayers for a better day tomorrow,
~T