6 days and want to use
I woke up today excited to be on day six and things have gone downhill since then. I went to a meeting and I wanted to share badly so that people could know I was a newcomer and I could get numbers and support but there was so many people I wasn't called on. At the end of the meeting I went to the chair and told her I needed some numbers bc I was new. There was a really awkward exchange and I got two numbers but it felt weird and forced. I left feeling really icky. I got home and a stupid situation happened with a guy I was seeing and since then I've had a strong urge to use. My stomach is in total knots, I feel sick. I haven't felt this way since I got sober. I contacted a sober friend and another who was formerly in recovery but I don't feel better. I journaled about it but I don't feel better. I work tonight (bartender) and I am terrified I will use. I feel like I have no support system and that I'm alone in this. I really have no idea what to do. Please help.