mcaiwas

I'm a 50 something year old lady married for almost 10 years to an alcohol abuser - probably an alcoholic. It was several years into our marriage when our night-caps turned into all - out drunks for him, but at the time, his father was dying of cancer and I thought it was just poor stress management on his part.
Fast-forward 10 years, and he's done every stupid drunken thing a person can do, but he has never been abusive, has not yet had a DUI, has not had any law trouble, has evaded trouble at work.
A month ago, he dropped a cigarette in a sofa and started a fire in our home. The breaker that the smoke detectors was on was temporarily out of service, waiting for the electrician, so our smoke detector never went off. If my stepson hadn't come home, I'm convinced we'd have died. AH knew I was on my last nerve then, but a couple of weeks later, on the eve of a big visit by a bunch of his out of town relatives, I woke to find him smashed and bumping around the kitchen, cooking. He could barely stand, let alone cook. The next day after work, I packed a bag and left. I was gone for two weeks. Initially, he was annoyed and embarassed to have to explain to his family that his wife had left him. Then he was apologetic and begging, and then finally beligerent and threatening. Finally he showed up sober and begged me to come home. He looked so physically awful and so heart broken that I agreed.
He has been sober since. He's reading at SMART recovery, and has read the AA big book. He's attended meetings at SMART and one AA meeting.
I have to admit my shame at not understanding that he was on a slippery slope. I thought he had poor self control and was making bad decisions, and I didn't like it, but I didn't see an inevitable downward spiral. I feel SO STUPID about that. Additionally, I drank with him, much of the time. I have pretty severe PTSD (requiring years of therapy and one three month out of state inpatient stint), with few remaining symptoms. The worst of the PTSD is inability to fall asleep, so for years I've used either Ambien or alcohol at bedtime to sleep.
I haven't had any Ambien or alcohol since I came home, and amazingly, I'm sleeping just fine with Trazadone, but I do realize that I condoned his out of control drinking with my nightly drink. I haven't had any problem with not drinking since my return home. I feel hung over from the Trazadone, but don't miss the alcohol at all. I didn't drink for relaxation or a buzz, just drank it and went to bed 15 minutes later.
I don't know what my first steps are, here. I actually have alot of boundary setting experience and disengaging experience, this according to my therapist. I really, really love this guy and want to spend the rest of my life with him, but not when he's drinking. Currently, I'm reading at SMART and here, and have read "Get Your Loved One Sober" and " Everything Changes," in the last week. I am sure you can't rush the process, and know that I have precious little patience for process, but I'm open to any recommendations you all have. I feel so lost. Now that I realize that this won't be a quick fix, I'm not sure where to start.