It's alright, you'll be alright again.
I've learned a lot in the past 11-12 days.
-I am not only strong and determined, but also motivated.
-Once I let go control I can have good days.
-I do have a strong support system behind me.
-More people are listening and encouraging me than I think.
-What was good for me years ago is not good for me today.
-I want to help other people (not just those in recovery).
-I have deeper thoughts than I ever anticipated.
-I am wiser than others thought.
-I want more from myself.
-I am statisfied with what I have.
-I am starting to dislike the letter "I".
-The world isn't as cold, as I believed.
Today while I was swimming, my new work out. I did 50 laps in 20 minutes. 12 days ago I couldn't focus myself for more than 1 lap. I never really liked working out and could never really motivate myself to do it for more than a day or two. Today is day 6 in a row that I have pep talked myself into doing at least 30 minutes of swimming after work before bed. I'm sore, but energized. I though becoming sober would be a nightmare. Don't get me wrong days 1-7 were pretty bad, but I was still trying to have total control over my life. I have given up control, but have taken control of my actions. Each day I work to do things better, not to make my life better. I have worked harder at my job. Worked harder at swimming. Worked harder at coming up with different excersizes I can do in the pool. I have worked harder on the relationships I have with my family and my support group (friends). As I sit here and type all the things I am working harder at I have realized that instead of focusing on controlling my life and just focusing on controlling my actions I have made my life easier. I have conrtolled my life without forcing things to work. I have cleared my mind of a lot of stress. I can't say that I have defeated my demond (drinking), but I can say that I have started a new life. A life that will only get better from here. I'm not always going to have these good days, and I know that. But if I keep focusing on my actions and keep this positive train of thought I can teach myself how to work with those difficult days. Those negative thoughts. Those negative actions. And most of all the negative people who, in the past, triggered my alcoholism. I can't shelter myself from those thoughts, actions or people, but I can learn and teach myself how to interact and over come those situations. I know this is a life long journey and I will not always have these glipses of guidance, but I am, I hope, prepared for when I need them.
I for once can say I am truely happy, and rum, vodka or beer had nothing to do with it.
With eyes open and mind cleared I fight for the future that is mine.
Day 12- Sometimes you gotta lose till you can win. (Sugarland-Little Miss).