Originally Posted by
NightingaleSynd 
I'm sorry for your situation, the silver lining is that its made you such a stronger person.
That's absolutely not what I want to hear, you're right. Truthfully, I know I should walk (run) away but if I am honest with myself I don't know if I can leave our on again off again sort of friendship sort of dating relationship. It's so much more than sex, he's been there for me in my darkest hour. I don't know how to let him go. Burying your love is the perfect way to describe it. ..
I think codependents like ourselves tend to get overly attached to people.. I know that's the case with me be it an addict or non addict.. We are addicted to helping people, we place our self worth on if they approve of us or not.. And the further they distance themselves from us the harder we cling to them.. Rejection in any form hurts but when you realize that the person you have been intimate with doesn't return your feelings.. Well that's just a whole other level of hurt..
I was married to my addict for 5 years.. For four of those years I was chasing my tail trying to "help" him.. Every bit of love, energy, time and money that I put into helping him did nothing.. He didn't want my help, all I was doing was enabling this man and his addiction.. I helped myself by waking away from the marriage and it was one of the most painful things I ever did because he was like my drug...
I would run far far away from this man or at least keep him at a healthy distance.. And don't do the NSA thing anymore.. It only messes with your head and your heart and you are worth more then the crumbs he is throwing your way...