I split up with my girl friend last week we had need together for nearly 4 years, it has always been up and down, at first it was ok but then the fighting after a drink started, the lying, the not trusting etc etc to say the least we have had some really bad times during these period.
The week before she went on a bender for two days and was really nasty this was about 8 weeks in a row and i at the point were i couldnt take anymore but stupid me again to give it another go (again). The problem is she could be really nice if she want drunk
I am not saying I am a saint but i certainly don't act that she does.
Anyway that weekend it was my best friends 29th birthday BBQ, my GF was working that day/night so I went on my own, this is the first time i been out in 2 months or so as i always avoided things like this as i thought/did start my GF drinking and then all the problems that happen after.....anyway as its my best friend so I went, I came in later than usual prob cus i haven't seen my friends in months (around 3 o'clock)....but i got accused of cheating which is ridiculous, i explained what had happened but as usual she only hearing the voice in side her head, after what she had done over the last 8 weeks to me i thought she was bang out of order.
On the Sunday she said she was leaving me and that i was a liar and cheat, i didn't get angry or anything and explain this was not the case. I went work on Monday but came home early has this is when she using these things she makes us as excuses to drink and i cant concentrate at work as im constantly on edge waiting for the abusive messages. I got home and she was ok but still amendment she was leaving and went in the spare room. Whist in there she was sneaking vodka which she must have brought ealier and it slowly got worse through out the night to the point were she was writing me crazy letters and calling horrible names like a cripple (I have a muscle weakness i can walk but my brother is in a wheelchair) and other horrible things, then from the other room i could see the light flashing and i went in and she had a dressing gown rope round her neck and too the ceiling light....i asked her to please get down and this was getting really out of control and i would have to call for help, she said if i did she would jump....anyway i called 999 and she jumped, poor attempt as her feet hit the floor but this is besides the point. the police came and she was taken to hospital.
I had many nights like this some times not as bad but still not a nice environment to live in but after this night i said i could not take anymore asked her to leave, she had moved into with her sister after another suicide attepmt and is blaming me saying i was not there when she needed me the most but this is not true i have been there for nearly 4 years (i couldnt write the amount of things i been though on a toilet roll)
I want her to be ok it just my head is now messed up with the emotional blackmail and i cant carry on living like that.....is it my fault? i just dont know anymore.....last night she was telling me about her dates lined up and how i didnt stand by her etc etc
Sorry i might not make sense i just need to get some if off my chest....
Thank you for reading/listen
Help,