Struggling with loniness, isolation, and long days of work/commuting...no time.
Back to day three. I've had a hard time with loneliness, and feeling isolated. I leave for work via a combination of trains and busses at 8:30, get home past 10:30, I feel that with no car, this long work/commute day leaves with no time for friendship, or myself, as it is M-F; Sat. is spent feeling tired, Sunday: Groceries, cleaning, mundane tasks. I had gone 20 days, but collapsed, pondering how long it will be till I get the car fixed, the brakes/suspension/battery, and looking at my checks and my increased rent and bills, became panicked, seeing no way to resolve this, due to horrible credit and that making it very hard to find a cheaper place to live, and craving a momentary escape, however unhealthy, a small space of nothingness, I broke down, even though I knew it would be of no help. But then, nothing seems to. For a while, I was feeling good in all this, and then, so very hopeless and alone.
I read these words as quoted in a longer work, and they seemed to speak to me:
"I feel the wind’s keen force
As waves break over rocks
Worn down by loneliness
I dream of days gone by."
-Shigeyuki Minamoto, AD 963, from The Ogura Hyakunn Isshu