She had locked herself in the bathroom and I broke in and got her to the hospital. Now she acts as though nothing happended, and wants to come home. this is exactly what she did after rehab- came home as though everything's fine. This is an ongoing struggle in which she minimizes everything she's done. The kids, myself and the family are tired of this emotional rollercoaster but don;t know what to do. She has resisted all recommendations of counseling- i want her to leave the house, or I want to leave, but then I fear what rejection will do to her at this point. we've been married 23 years. Thanks for any words of wisdom and the support of this forum!
I told my AH that he couldn't come home unless he was working an active program. The rehab he was in laid it out pretty clearly: Working full-time (or volunteering full time while he was job hunting), going to meetings, in regular contact with a sponsor, and following through on his medication and medical/psych appointments. He never did all of these things at the same time or for any real length of time. But I let him come home anyway. His bad moods ruled the household. I was there through the relapses and suicide attempts, the lies and the manipulative tricks.
My advice, having been there, is to draw a line in the sand. Either she is in recovery, or she loses her family. You and the kids must not be held hostage to her crappy behavior and out of control habits. There is no middle ground. Considering she does not want to do counseling, it sounds like she's still strapped firmly into the roller coaster. You and the kids, though, you can get off at this stop.
Change the locks. Contact and lawyer and find out what your options are. Consider going no/minimal contact with her.