Day 2, second time around
Hello everyone. I'm Alexis and I'm an addict. Today is day two without a drink or drugs and whole that doesn't seem like a lot, I haven't tried to stop earnestly for 13 years. The last time I was in the rooms I was 17. I got a good solid 9 months under my belt before I convinced myself I wasn't permanently sick and that I could manage my disease on my own. Only in the last few months have I really started to look honestly at my addiction and think about recovery again but I just didnt feel ready. Something changed on Sunday morning though. I woke up more resolute to kick this than I ever have. I dumped my booze, I gave away my weed pipes and I went to two meetings. I felt anxiety all day but instead of drowning it I leaned into it and I was ok. I woke up early today ready to go to another meeting. I feel really committed to my recovery and to surrendering to the idea that I am not "normal" and will never be able to use like I am. In the late meeting I went to yesterday crazy addict brain started a line of self-defeating thoughts telling me is never succeed,etc and it really scared me. I came to the realization that I know so few sober people, or even people that don't drink or use heavily. I guess the hardest thing now is not really having people to reach out to as a support. I want this so bad, I want to succeed this time. Do you have suggestions about how to get to know people in meetings? Without the mask of drugs or alcohol I find my social anxiety relatively intense and I feel nervous introducing myself. I'm grateful for these forums in the meantime because I can at least reach out here. Thanks for listening.