What you have done is accept what is and that is so important. The "why" doesn't really matter because I am betting you will cycle through this and on to another kind of acceptance. Our own recovery is a journey not a destination. Just like the alcoholic we are not unique either. You are seeing things...parts of the disease...that you never encountered before and yes, that can be unsettling. You are learning that sobriety may not be the quick fix that you thought it would be. That is part of the process in your own growth.
My husband also still drinks but I don't fear the change that his sobriety could cause. I have gained the faith to know that whatever happens I will not die from it. I no longer hang my hat on what he does or does not do. Even if he got sober and left, found someone else or left me alone while attending nightly meetings, I have a life of my own and I will be ok.
You will be ok, too.
Hugs,
JT