Was doing great then made a mistake, which cost me a lot.
Hey everyone, last time I posted I had been doing great. I was going to AA meetings and doing all the right things. Leading up to this past sober time, I had hit what I thought my rock bottom to be. But, Friday night came around and a friend invited me to go grab a beer and I said yes. It was as if all my sober time never happened, and the rational part of my brain was turned off. Leading up to this, I had invites, like on the 4th of July that I rationalized and said, "no I don't need to be around alcohol". But this time, it just happened.
I started out at 530 and by 930 I was so drunk that it was clear I needed to get home. My friend was great and got me in a cab. On the way home, I had the cab stop early so I could walk the last couple blocks home. Someone walking towards me punched me, and took my wallet and keys (including my car key). My glasses got broken and I got a black eye. I walked another block, then passed out in someone's back yard and woke up at 5AM. Fortunately, I was lucky enough that nothing else bad happened to me being that I passed out a block from where I was mugged.
I spent all of yesterday trying to make sense out of what happened and I absolutely cannot believe what happened. I did get myself to an AA meeting but my brain has been in such a fog since that night that it wasn't until today that I felt like coming here.
The thing is, I absolutely know, I simply cannot drink. Ever. And I love the AA program, and it works for me. But, what do you do when your brain seems to shut off and you make a dumb horrible decision to go out and drink? I don't even feel like I made a decision, because my brain just said "okay". Don't get me wrong, I take full responsibility for what happened to me, and I know I got myself in a dangerous situation.
I just feel like such a defeated person today, it's overwhelming and I don't know what to do.