kc, I'm so, so sorry you are having to deal with this pain
My first husband died 17 yrs. ago...that was horrible, lifechanging,
I got married again and thought it was "happily ever after"......WRONG!
So, after 8 yrs. together, hubby #2 decided he didn't want to be married anymore, and we split up. (Get this, he still wanted to be "friends", and maybe do double dates with our next significant others.....yeah, he really did say that)
The pain from that second divorce was so bad, it rivaled the pain from the death of my soul-mate....and I tried to drink it away. I drank so much, cried so much, drank some more, but I found out it didn't ever help! Seriously, that was a shock, too. I was drunk AND still feeling it. Now my ex has moved to another state for a girl he met online, and has been living with her for a few years.
It will take a while to get through this phase, kc, but I have to admit that it does get easier. Never the same, but the pain does ease up. You just have to reinvent your life.
A new life without alcohol or drugs will be the best all around, for your physical and mental well-being. Don't blame yourself for the break-up (I'm sure you already have another culprit in mind), but you are responsible for YOU for the rest of your life
I'm glad you found this forum; it has been a lifeline for me. so much info, encouragement and support from many people who are going through the same stuff as you are. You might want to look up the Women in Recovery threads for some support, also.
Congrats on your over 30 days sober! Keep posting, and I wish you peace and good luck on your new journey....
~Heartfan
(p.s. I'm from Cali, too, it's still home to me)