I understand and hear you- my worst fear is that I will leave my AH then he will get sober and live a happy "normal" life with someone other than me. So would I rather him be drunk and stay with me than sober without me??? I really don't know- that's part of my sickness. My AH is sober almost a month now- things have been wonderful (for the most part), I know all about paying "the price"for your AH- at what point does it stop becoming all about them. I don't have answers and I suspect I never will. i am just trying to survive- be somewhat happy- and live a life