OT: Upside-Down Finances and Need Suggestions
Things have been pretty good at home, except for the financial situation. This was one of the most difficult things about living with AH, would could suck up resources at an amazing rate but contributed next to nothing for the family. Because I was stupid, I paid off his umpteen small debts -- parking tickets and store credit cards that had gone to collections, which sucked up our disposable income -- to try to make sure nobody came after us. And in the meantime, the majority of my debt went unaddressed and he spent his paycheck on alcohol. Thanks to his deft excuses, I really didn't know it. In hindsight, I want to bang my head against a wall.
I finally sat down the other day and pounded out my bare bones budget vs. income vs. debt and it's not pretty. Making minimum payments with our only extravagance being cable TV and two family nights out for dinner per month, I end up with $0 to -$100 at the end of every month. (I can give up the cable, but not the family dinners. It's a thing.) My job is good, I have a decent salary and good benefits, but I need to maintain my second hobby, side-job to make ends meet.
I have very little credit card debt, under $1K.
My primary debt is student loans. I took out $40K to get myself through school as a single parent and despite paying for three years with a couple of deferments, I owe $48K today. With my payments today, nothing touches the principle. These are still held by Sallie Mae. My parents paid for my sibling's educations, including grad school, so I always assumed they would help me too. For some reason they did not, and it's a very sore subject and my feelings are very hurt over it even today.
The thought that I have no savings and am living hand to mouth with two children is near-debilitating. I just stick my head in the sand and pretend everything will always be fine. I have finally accepted that my parents won't help me with this student debt, and I may never know why -- it's certainly not the money. But that means I have to take responsibility for paying it back.
Does anyone have any suggestions? Resources? I have researched this endlessly and it feels like my only options are to continue to throw money down a black hole (i.e. work with Sallie Mae) or default knowing the consequences.
I just don't even know where to start, and all the family resentments and disappointment get me stuck in feeling sorry for myself and not moving on whatever options are out there.