Kathleen41

Your activity on our SR community has been very helpful to me, and I consider you a friend. I am so sorry for what you are going through, you are obviously in a lot of pain. I don't know the details of your situation, as we often don't on SR, sometimes I make wrong assumptions about what the poster's experience is. Forgive me if I do that, I'm going to try share some of what I have been doing and how its been helping.

I realized I have many other issues not being helped by the AA principles, in fact sometimes I was getting confused. Like "Get out of yourself and Go out and help somebody else," well I've done that to my own detriment in the past!! Or the trying not to control things or living by God's will confsuing me to the point I can't make a decision about an important thing, like where my son should live!! It occurred to me that many other don't seem to struggle with decision making and relationships to the degree that I do. I could go on and on.

I have been reading the "24 hours a day" on Hazelton wedsite, I started reading the one for Codependancy and found myself identifying with it very much. I believe I suffer from Codependancy and am now reading the book on that, and I attended my first CoDA meeting last week. The Karpmann Drama Triangle applies to basically all my close relationships. I am now trying to learn how to detach and repair these issues. Here is todays daily reading:

Letting Go of Fear of Abandonment

"Where are you, God? Where did you go?"

So many people have gone away. We may have felt so alone so much. In the midst of our struggles and lessons, we may wonder if God has gone away too.

There are wondrous days when we feel God's protection and presence, leading and guiding each step and event. There are gray, dry days of spiritual barrenness when we wonder if anything in our life is guided or planned. Wondering if God knows or cares.

Seek quiet times on the gray days. Force discipline and obedience until the answer comes, because it will.

"I have not gone away child. I am here, always. Rest in me, in confidence. All in your life is being guided and planned, each detail. I know, and I care. Things are being worked out as quickly as possible for your highest good. Trust and be grateful. I am right here. Soon you will see, and know."

Today, I will remember that God has not abandoned me. I can trust that God is leading, guiding, directing, and planning in love each detail of my life.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.

I sinserely hope this is helpful to you. I value your friendship. Do something kind for yourself today!!