Thanks everyone. I know I will never find the magic answer, but it helps to know there are other people who understand. I've gone back and forth in my head a thousand times over whether this can work. I don't know if too much damage is already done. He is a truly good person under it all and he does treat me very well overall. He cooks and cleans and helps with the pets, and always goes to work. That's one of the reasons I don't want to give up just yet, I know there is something wonderful inside him. Trust can be rebuilt, and people can come out on the other side. But I'm afraid things will not change and I will waste my life. He's nowhere near ready to admit he needs to quit completely. He still thinks he can go back to responsible drinking, which I don't EVER see happening.
For now I'm just letting things be and watching. He wanted me to get off his back and I'm holding up my end of the bargain. Everyone has a breaking point, and I suppose I'm just waiting to see where mine is. We are going out to dinner tomorrow with some friends of mine and they have all asked me not to let him show up drunk.
Anyways, thanks to everyone for listening, I'm having so much anxiety lately and I needed to hear advice from someone who isn't my father (who, needless to say, is not keen on him after all this). I will definitely be posting and reading more.