Grandfather was an alcoholic: My Mother's relationship with me and my siblings
I just left my 14 year old daughter's counseling session tonight. It seems that her counselor feels I should consider attending Ala-non meetings. I've taken on the role of caretaker, peacemaker, responsible child, you name it and I'm the one who tries to keep everyone happy. Anger and resentment have finally taken a toll on my body.....ulcers and other health issues are a reality and my daughter, the best thing that has ever happened to me, has taken on the burden of worrying about me and my happiness.....and so the cycle continues.
I have to decide how I'm going to show her that I can make changes to better my life....and I'm not sure how I can do it. My Father, who has been battling lung cancer for the past few years, has begun chemotherapy again. My Mother, who's father was the alcoholic and whose mother left her and her siblings when my Mother was 7, has started to shut down. She's having a difficult time taking care of my Father. For the past two years I have been there through all of the doctor's appointments, the radiation treatments, the chemotherapy, the surgery, the complications following the surgery, and now the reoccurence of the cancer.
I have (4) older sisters, three of which do not live here. One older sister does live in town and is an attorney with very little extra time to help out with my parents. She and my brother-in-law, who is my boss by the way I have a full time job), are angry with my Mother and feel that she is taking advantage of me......I'm accomodating my parents by driving them to the appointments....I'm trying to take some of the stress off them both.....I feel guilty because this takes away time from my husband, my children, and my job responsibilities. I feel that I'm juggling 10 balls in the air and at any moment they are all going to fall to the ground.
I'm on antidepressants and will begin an anti-anxiety drug after the holidays....I realize that I can't keep this up but I don't have anyone that I can go to for help. I don't know if anyone can relate to my family history....I'm just trying to see if there are any suggestions on how to get my life back.....how to be happy again......how to stop the selfless cycle I've become intangled in.....especially for my children!
That's why I'm missing in PA.....I've somehow lost myself and need to find my way home.