Hi iwh,
After reading your posts, I am not getting the feeling that you are trying to blame your parents. I am getting the feeling that you want to understand how a dysfunctional family can mess you up. I feel that you are trying to look at your alcoholism from the beginning and trying to learn about yourself.
Reason I am thinking this, is because a friend of mine is also looking for answers. He doesn't want to blame his parents, justs wants an understanding for why he thinks the way he does sometimes, why he reacts the way he does sometimes. He is looking at all the abuse he went through as a child, and he is beginning to re-parent himself.
I may be totally off-base here, but this is what I was feeling while reading your post.
You stated your childhood was abusive, and a lot of what goes on in an abusive childhood is very similar to growing up with an alcoholic. First, not all alcoholics are abusive, and not all abusive people are alcoholics.
Will back off now since I may be totally off-base.