I am on the same page as fantail. Get the relationship sorted first - and soon, like immediately. I filed for a divorce after 10 years and it wasn't even as bad as your situation sounds. My ex was only verbally abusive when drunk (which by the end was daily though). We both drunk a lot, I drank more as I can handle more and do not have blackouts. I think we were in a way trying to connect via mutual drinking as there was nothing else left in the marriage to hold on to or to link us. There is no way I would have even considered attempting to quit for good while in that relationship.