Yikes...lots going on there. Um...I am familiar with both alcoholism and toxic/emotionally abusive relationships. Addiction runs through both really. I knew I would never get him out of my life if I remained drinking...and at 5 weeks sober it's still had its challenges. Getting free of him I mean. Sobriety, counselling and SR is helping me to transform so that I will not tolerate the intolerable.
You will not really be able to assess or change anything..unless you get sober. First things first.