I have a son who is autistic. Every time he ruined our family night, our vacation, etc. with his obsessions I would drink. Actually my wife and I would drink. It's so very hard to keep it together when your child is out of control. You expend so much emotional energy into dealing with it that you have little good energy left for yourself. I always wanted my family to be well and when I couldn't do that I would retreat to mind altering chemicals ... but mostly alcohol. I totally sympathize with what you're going through. It's so very hard to deal with a child with a disability. Try to be good to yourself. Carve out some time for you. Above all be strong and be proud of yourself for all the good things you do every day. Keep posting!