I really think that you have a positive mental state with all of this. You may feel like a deer in the headlights, but I think that all of this is kind of like that. Its confusing, and really hard to understand. I commend you for taking care of yourself, and knowing where your boundaries are. This is important. I am sorry for what brought you here, but this site is a wealth of knowledge, understanding, and compassion. Glad that you are here.
Welcome!