Sue,
Filtered through my experience, I'm still concerned for your safety.
He was angry, drunk and hurt which is how he explains the threats.
I can promise you that there is not enough alcohol in the universe to make me threaten to kill the person I'm married to. Threats like that don't come out of thin air. I'm glad you're not buying his excuses, but I hope you have an escape plan ready. Prior death threats are the best predictor for murder in domestic relationships.
So he's not working a program, he's not going to AA, he's not going to individual counseling. Basically, he's white-knuckling it. What happens when he can't do it anymore and decides to drink?
I'm glad he isn't drinking right now. And I'm glad you are taking care of yourself. I'm just concerned. As for the anger at you "making him look like an a-hole" to your families, I have a very simple suggestion: If he doesn't want to look like an a-hole to people around him, he shouldn't behave like one.