These are such great questions. I hope someone smarter than me shows up soon. I just wanted to welcome you and say that the more I detach, the better I am at managing my anger.
I don't think you're over stepping; I think you're stating boundaries and trying to partner with someone. If you believe it to be inappropriate for the bread winner to quit his job without another job lined up, but your partner doesn't, I'd say that's a wee little problem.
I do want to say that your RAH sounds like he threw a giant king baby fit. You got "your way?" Those are red flags for me. My AH has done the same crap. It's impossible for me to parent or partner with someone who plays games and assigns me ridiculous power. It's just so he can blame me. My marriage is over because I don't want to be a mommy or be blamed, or be constantly freaked out about what my AH is doing with the money. All of that.
But that's me. Hopefully others who are working on their marriages will come along with better advice than get a divorce attorney
Also, it's hard for me to not become angry if my boundaries are consistently not respected.