My daughter is 18 with profound MJ addiction (you know our story- since it is similar to yours). She's in intense outpatient rehab based on 12 steps- she goes 15 hours a week to classes, plus 3 NA or AA meetings per week on her own. She was required to get a sponsor. She's 30 days clean and seems to be doing really well.
We "forced" her in to rehab by giving her the option of leaving our house and no support from us or rehab. We gave her the number to call and were ready to pack her things and rekey the locks. She called and started a week later. She spent the first two weeks violently manipulating and denying and being angry/hostile/miserable. As part of the program my husband and I were required to do codependency class and family group meetings. I found and went to every Al Anon meeting I could and continue to do so. It helped so that when she'd start with the manipulation (saying how unfair it was that she couldn't keep her job, or go on a family trip, or attend graduation ceremonies because we forced her in to rehab) I could detach and say calmly, "I know it must feel very disappointing to you but you can quit rehab any time you'd like. It's your choice." It changed the dynamic and she started listening. She met other addicts and started finally hearing the "not yet" as "what's going to happen if I don't change"
Will it be the last battle we have with addiction? Will she relapse? Is she really being truthful and honest and clean, or does she sneak a bit? I honestly don't know. But no matter what she's gotten something out of it. She's at least been exposed to the tools and knows what it looks like to be out of control vs. sober.
But most importantly, I've changed. Her consequences are hers. Her life, her body, her future is hers. I don't take it on anymore. I worry and I fret and I struggle but I zip my lips, let go, let her Higher Power have His way, and go to a meeting. I love her beyond all beyonds. She is the daughter of my heart. But this is her battle and while I would move the sun and moon and stars to help her, she has to do it. I'll be here cheering but it's her race, her journey, her demons.