Question: How can I tell he is serious to make a change?
The short answer. You can't. It's not within our control to know whether or not they were serious. Wanting an answer.......is still holding on tight to an outcome that is not within our control.
I will tell you that my son did a total of four inpatient and outpatient rehabs before he was "serious". Was there a distinct difference in him when it happened? Absolutely. I saw surrender. But even then I couldn't predict an outcome.
But I knew a few things for certain:
1. None of the treatment programs we financed (none of which were covered by insurance) was a waste of my money. He got something out of it.....even if it wasn't what I wanted him to get out of it. He got something.
2. He would make the change when he found his life to be unmanageable and was ready to surrender......my wanting him to surrender wasn't enough and may have been more of a hindrance than a help. Things didn't change until he wanted it for himself more than I wanted it for him.
3. It would happen or it wouldn't.........it was out of my control.
4. After four tries, I was unwilling (and my husband would have vehemently objected) to spend any more money.....we just didn't have it without risking our own financial future.
5. When they really, really want it, they are willing to do anything.......including staying for six months with the Salvation Army ARC in a rigid and humbling environment, working 44 hours per week, attending chapel three times a week, going to meetings and classes nightly, and being paid $8 per week.
If you have the resources and can send him, that's ok but I would gently suggest you let go of the outcome, it is not within your power. Your son and his HP are in control of the outcome.
I do understand how very hard this is......you and your dear son will be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke