A big part of my recovery has been taking and retaking "Saying No 101" - because I really got a lot of my identity and sense of value from how much I helped other people with THEIR personal problems. But I think when I left AXH and realized that most of those friends had very little interest in returning the favor when I needed them. Which meant it wasn't really friendship - I was just exercising my codependent needs on them.
So I'm learning to set boundaries. But it's difficult with my own kids because I still feel responsible for their emotional pain (because I hose to have them with an abusive A). I just dropped the two youngest off at a movie theater so that I could have some alone time. Win-win really (because I can't stand another movie with animated characters
) but something I would have felt too guilty to do just a year ago.
I'm even setting boundaries with my boss and letting him know that I will work like a dog during my regular hours and in a crisis come in for a couple of hours on weekends, but that my evenings with the family are sacred.
It's amazing really how the world keeps turning even when I say no....