Keep your head up jstar... What you are feeling is common. Those roller coasters suck and at times you just want to put your hands up and jump off of that coaster.
Here's the thing about roller coasters, they all have a stopping point. If I could give you any advice trying remembering this, " I am not responsible for my first thought, but I am responsible for my next action. Jstar, You are doing great!!!!! Proud of you for staying in this fight. Keep it up...