I hear you Dreams, and I know my desire to write again wasn't from a healthy place. I don't think he'll want to change from my email, I know for certain he won't, but I hear you that it's my own addiction to him and to who I have been on our relationship that kept me from just not responding.
I am done though. I am DONE. I will not write, call or eve contact him again. I think what's huge for me is learning to stop trying to heal anyone except myself. This thought keeps going through my head this morning that my own value and loveable was doesn't come from trying to save others, but I sure as he'll have been acting like it is. And making choices that continue that ugly, fruitless, and self-destructive pattern.
Thank you for speaking straight to me. I know I was hiding and not being totally straight with myself, and taking a step backwards in writing him. I will focus on FoRwARd