sadielady

So I need a little help.

I've been posting for the last 10-12 days about going no contact with my alcoholic boyfriend after he relapsed after rehab, we went back and forth about he, he lied to me and then got mad and mean after I, frankly as I see it now, was trying to talk him into saving his own life. (I also see now how what happened in the 8 day ER/ICU stay and the transition to 30 day rehab was more fueled by me wanting that for him than him wanting t or being ready).

So after a few days of going back and forth with each other I said do not contact me again until you're serious in recovery and can be completely straight with yourself and me. I know he isn't, but he contacts me every day. In the last couple days I've been calling him my Ex-ABF on here instead of ABF, from the realization that we were over.

But we never actually broke up. I set this boundary and he keeps reaching out. I never said "and we're done dating." I really hadn't thought about it at the time, it was such a whirlwind, but it is the reality. We're done.

Soooo... He wrote me tonight and said:

". Call me. If you must go then say good-bye or something.
Not hearing from you is perfectly awful."

What do I do?

I didn't actually break up. Do I owe him that? I feel certain I should not call. Do I write back simply that I'd set this boundary and our relationship is over because I know he isn't doing that, and I wish him well. (Essentially, without drama or entering into all the futzing about wishing he'd do right by himself, etc, that I was so verbose about before this boundary).

I have to admit I'm stymied here. I've never been the kind of person who ends a relationship without saying so. But this isn't "no contact." I guess I'm just unsure how to reconcile the need to end it with dignity and respect and clarity with the no contact and enforcement of my boundary. I am completely firm that we're done, but don't want to be cruel either.

All advice welcome.thank you.