I get it, believe me. I remember my second alcoholic husband (the one I left a few months after marrying) refusing to do what he considered "doofus jobs." Meantime I was working at a job that paid much less than my previous one I had had before we moved across the country, and was looking for a second one to pay the bills.
I think you are reading too much meaning into his self-sabotage. He screws up because he's an alcoholic and his life is unmanageable. He just doesn't see it yet--all he sees is that he has bad luck and he's struggling and the world is out to get him and you don't understand.
If you are ready to get out of loser-ville, and get un-stuck, you will be amazed at how freeing it can be. Someone on the outside, looking at your life, might ask the same questions about you that you are asking about him. It sounds like the relationship is holding your life back the same way his drinking is holding his back.