rry1177

My ABF and I went out (which is rare) and got into an argument. I told him that every serious relationship I’ve had has been with a man who was addicted to something and I was trying to figure out why that is. I also showed him the Al-Anon packet I received at the first meeting I just went to. He got mad and said how could I lump him with those other guys who haven’t done half as much as he had. I guess he feels like he’s doing so much because he goes to school and works. The work is less than part time, and the small amount he makes goes for gassing his truck (which I bought because his got stolen), cigs, and alcohol. He drinks when I’m not around now. Anyway, he got mad, got out of the car, and walked away. I waited a minute to see if he was coming back. He didn’t so I left. Once I got home (he lives with me), he called and apologized for walking off. He came home in the morning and told me he slept in the park that night “with the other homeless guys”. I think he wanted a reaction from me, but I didn’t give one. He said "with the other homeless guys" as if he is also homeless. I wonder if he took such a drastic route as sleeping outdoors to try to get sympathy from me.
We talked about it later that day, and I told him that I feel stuck, because it’s hard to save a chunk of cash because I am paying all the bills. He said “You know you’re not stuck with me right?” I said I didn’t say stuck with YOU, I said stuck. I'm tired of him directing things I say towards himself. I’m going to al anon now, I just started reading Codependent No More so I am determined to get myself better. He is comfortable where he is (he denies being comfortable), because the other ways to make money that I’ve suggested- he just says OK and doesn’t look into it or he tends to be picky about what work he does. That’s what really pisses me off, because he has all these grand plans about real estate success. He talks and talks, but when it’s time to put the hard work in, he has an excuse. I don’t have the heart to kick him out yet, but now I think he may want me to so he can continue to pity himself and be free to drink. He has sabotaged himself before, so I don’t think it’s a stretch to think deep down he wants a pitiful life so then nobody will expect anything from him. What do you all think?

I have no more faith in the future he fantasizes about for us. I now try to imagine my future without him, because after knowing him for 4 yrs and living with him for 2, I see he is only concerned with what he wants and not with helping financially. He swears he wants to help. I try not to even bring it up because I've begged, suggested, researched ways to make money. If it's not something he WANTS to do, then he won't do it. What man is picky about work when he's not paying one damned bill? I'm sorry guys, but please weigh in. Happy 4th to you.