dear clyde, i am very new to doing the steps of al-anon, but i am the provoker as well. the new member info packet i got at my first meeting made me furious to understand my role as the provoker. and in desperation i did do as they said and act as if nothing happened. i truly know how you feel about this.
the MIRACLE is when they are unable to project their ANGER on you which is the anger you direct back at them and when they do not have the ability to create the ANXIETY in you, they are only left with Themself to feel their own anger and anxiety from what they have done. and they KNOW very well what they have done, they just want your anger to justify their reason to return to drink!
YOU WILL SEE A CRACK IN THE VENEER EVEN THE 1st TIME YOU
DETACH! IT is A MIRACLE! Just stay on the path!