A lot of your energy seems to be going to monitor him. And, from experience, you can't make him or prevent him from anything he is going to do, or anything that is going to happen.
He needs to be free to take accountability for his own recovery, and to monitor his own behavior, correct his mistakes if and when he makes them.
In Alanon terms, I think you are walking on his side of the street. I did that, too, with my EAH, and it only made him mad.
If you also know that you did this with your sister when she lived with you, it is something to look at in yourself. Maybe thinking outloud about what a mutual trusting relationship would look like to you, would be helpful. This will come up again as your children get older - - we have to let them go to live their own lives.
Alanon, reading Melodie Beattie's book Co-Dependent No More, counselling that focuses on you, what causes your anxiety, and reassures you that you can be happy and fulfilled without focusing on trying to make things right for the loved ones in your life - - all this would be helpful.
I think there is more hope for the success of your marriage than meets your eye!
ShootingStar1