Metallic Thorn, I follow this forum because of concern at my father's growing dependence on alcohol, and I have also this year decided to quit alcohol myself.
You have said that you welcome perspectives so I will gently add my own.
The key issue that strikes me as arising for your posts is that, at present, this is all rather theoretical. The alcoholism is already causing issues for you and the bf but as you are both young there is not yet the added complication of, for example, full time jobs, children, and so on. So you are currently not being hit with genuine crises that require immediate or remedial action and that have arisen from the drinking.
In another post you referred to emotional awareness -v- emotional involvement. You explained the difference between these in the terms coined by the authors of a book you recommended. That is, the book defines emotional involvement as recognising an emotion (I feel sad), and emotional awareness as, essentially, the embracing of that emotion and the working through it (I recognise my sadness and I will work through it by feeling it. Strangely, I would have put these definitions exactly the other way round as that appears more logical to me.
But using the book's definitions, emotional involvement would for example have you thinking "I am despondent", whereas emotional awareness would have you thinking along the lines of "ok, I will stop the world, cancel my appointments, and allow my mind and body to fully embrace my despondency in order that I can set it aside in a healthy way".
I have to say that this is fine if you do not have a demanding job, children to take care of, elderly relatives or other pressing matters, but if you do, you have to deal with emotions in an efficient way. I'm afraid I don't have time to read the book, and I could have entirely the wrong end of the stick, but it is a small leap to see that crisis after crisis brought on by an advanced alcoholic will not afford the luxury of time for the processing of emotion within the concept of emotional awareness (as that term is used in the book you refer to).
I would, secondly, like to add some gentle advice about the "verbosity" to which many posters refer, and find irksome. In one of your lists I see that one day you plan to be a professor at Oxford University in the UK. I studied there, and I have to say that Oxford professors are not what one might imagine. They are, by and large, extremely down to earth. Sure, they can switch on the verbosity at will, and they can ramp it up ad absurdiam, but the key - the real key - to conveying meaning is the ability to express that meaning in the simplest terms.
I would make a suggestion that you practise re-phrasing, simply try out different ways of saying things. Or study Latin, for example, or another foreign language to gain the ability to distill foreign language concepts for which there is no direct transalation into the English. I think what I'm saying is that people should not have to mentally "translate" your posts or refer to separate texts to understand your meaning. If they must do so, they are starting from a point of frustration or irritation, and this will presumably flavour their replies to you.
As an example, your phrase "In that moment, I remembered at the core of our authentic selves we both believed in awareness and consciousness..". I am not personally sold on the idea that awareness or consciousness actually require "belief" in order to exist, but that aside could your phrase retain the exact same meaning if you simply said "deep down we are on the same wavelength", or even "we click on a deep level"?
I hope you do not take this as any form of attack, it is offered with a genuine desire to help you get more out of your posts and responses.
Snowie