Jad3d

Alcoholic creation story? It's language like this that really irks me. I know if I were in his position, I would feel like I was an insect under a microscope or a test subject... You say he's a person but your language (intentionally or not) makes him sound a bit like a case study. (Not a judgment just an observation).


I want to be really clear on something here. Mistakes DO NOT have the power to define us - we are defined by how we choose to deal with those mistakes or moments of trauma.

No two people who go through the same thing or make a mistake will have the same outcome. That comes from their context, their morals, their character and a whole host of other things that make someone who they are.

Life may deal us a great hand, and we could choose to play it wisely or with reckless abandon. Life may deal us a bum hand and we can choose to accept those cards and just muddle as best as we can... or we can turn it into a royal flush.

Your Mr Hero has told you some very important facts about himself. He has told you that he accepts that he as an alcoholic and that it was a "natural progression"; he has told you that he feels relatively crappy and that he cries a lot. So he is neither healthy nor is he stable. He maintains that he would not change anything because otherwise he wouldn't know what he knows now. My question is: what does he know? Maybe he has a heightened sense of awareness of his problems but if he chooses to do nothing with that knowledge than he is no better off than before.

Many people might believe in awareness and consciousness - that does not make them an ideal match. It also doesn't make him any less of an alcoholic. He is just as destructive as any A. When I broke up with my ex fiance, I started therapy. My therapist asked me what I looked for in a potential mate. I told her, I did not want to be beaten, raped or abused. That was my yardstick for a good boyfriend. She told me that the criterion I had mentioned are simply what is expected of a decent human being.

So maybe your mutual belief is what aligns you and fuels your love for him but that alone does not make him a good partner, and is not a good enough justification to stay with an alcoholic.


This is great ! I think it is fantastic he has slowed down on his drinking and is trying to ease himself back on the wagon, as you put it.

This is just called being Sober! And you have contradicted yourself here because in other posts you have commented that he is in a heightened sense of connectedness, etc when he is drunk and that he allows you in to his intimate space, etc.

When someone is drunk, most things they say should be taken with a grain of salt - you have not found a window to their innermost soul; you have just sat and listened to the ramblings of a drunk and tried to turn it into something more inspiring.

I also disagree that tough love generates real love. Love is not generated. It is felt and earned and it grows and nurtures your soul and takes you somewhere beautiful... And only REAL love can inspire REAL love - not tough love.