Hi Emmy...what are you doing for yourself? Are you attending Al-Anon? The three C's really apply to your post - you did not cause it, you cannot control it, you cannot cure it.
A lot of the things you describe in the way you attempt to control your husband's behaviors are things I was doing...and which ended with me in counseling and diagnosed with anxiety & depression. That didn't help my marriage. The main thing I've learned is that I am only responsible for my actions/thoughts/feelings/behaviors/emotions/etc. My RAH is responsible for his - nothing I do or say will change that.
My RAH has lost my trust, and it sounds like yours has too. I'm not sure how he's going to earn that back, but I've told him it is his to earn...it will not be given. It sounds like you need a frank discussion about trust - do you think you will ever be able to trust him again? What is he willing to do to be worthy of your trust? Your RAH has made some positive steps in the direction of sobriety - that is a truly wonderful thing! He is working on himself. You need to work on yourself, that seems to be the thing that actually works for people and makes positive progress in their relationships.