Is this it?
I've been with my husband for 7 years and married for 3 years. I have a 9 year old with a previous marriage, so my current situation is harder for me to let go because this is my second marriage. And I'm for one do not believe in divorce at all. My ex-husband left me for another woman, and my husband now is supposedly just a "drug user". I noticed a change in my husband 6 months ago, no sleep for days once a month, with the occasional visit to porn sites, and physical changes. I asked my husband, what was going on with him, why did he have mood swings, why does he stay up all night, he says he's stressed out at work. He's currently a VP in his company, and was just recently promoted. I kept at him and told him he didn't look right, and didn't act right. He would get furious at me, until I suspected that he may be using drugs. I confronted him, and he said no, I then told him to take a drug test 4 weeks ago, and surprisingly enough he did. Sure enough, the drug test came out positive "meth" he denied it of course, he said it was the robitussin. I told him, if there is one person who knew him best it was me. Of course, he denied it, and was furious at me, called me names like I've never heard before. Really? you can call your loved one those names? Until I believe he sobered up few days later, and finally told me that he did use meth, and that he's not an addict. According to him, he's just an occasional user, and that he will tell me next time he uses. Really? To make it easier for him to use drugs? For me to enable him? He told me to down play it, because he doesn't really crave for it. Really? again, did he not think of the consequences? I told him I was not okay with it. I did not think then to tell him to get help, because I thought okay, recreational...maybe he can control it, as long as I can help him through it, by talking about it, and letting him vent when he craves. That didn't work! And just two weeks later (currently) I saw it in him again, his eyes, his voice changed, his activities were similar to when I suspected. So I confronted him again, I believe it was when he was coming down, bad idea! and this time he was so mad and told me to let it go, and I said no. I told him I will not put up with his drug use, because that is an addiction. He started to throw stuff at me, and looked like he was going to hurt me. I then told him to leave, it was midnight, when he was going on rampage. My daughter was asleep, and he was just yelling at the top of his lungs, so I told him I was calling his father because I cannot handle him, he went in rage and yelled some more, pulled the cell phone from me. My daughter woke up and cried screamed at him and told him to stop. He left right away. Then an hour later, he told me that he just wanted me to be happy, he was sorry for not being the person to do that. And that he was not angry with me, but himself, because all I accused him of were true. And that I will find a better place. I agree with him. But I still love him with all my heart. I'm trying to be strong by staying no contact with him, however he came home just 15 minutes ago to pick up more stuff. Did not say a word to me, and I didn't say a word to him. He left again. This is so hard. I want to just pick up the phone and yell at him again, but that is no use. I want to get over this hump now, I want to get to my happy place and really know that my daughter and I will be okay with or without him. But for sure, if he comes back, there will be rules that he will need to abide by. But, it seems that he has chosen the drugs over my daughter and I. Please talk me through this, I need all the help to cope daily. I want someone to tell me to not pick up that phone to call him. I want someone to tell me to just let go, and that I will be fine.