Clyde, Most of us are enablers in some way. It is hard to be inrelationship with an active a without enabling. It is hard to know how to reduce or stop enabling. Give up on the convincing him that he has a problem because he won't believe you until he is ready. I use to think that if I said just the right thing hubby would realize what he is doing is wrong. But it won't happen. The thing to focus on is whether you can live with the situation as it is right now? Can you be happy in the situation if it never changes? I found that I could be happier than I was in the same situation. If you don't want your son to see the behavior you will probably need to leave the relationship. You don't have to put on a happy face, but trying to convince him is wastig your time. Take care,.