however, I don't care anymore. I want a relationship. Not a parental one. It'll never be now as I'm an adult and had to grow without him. But an adult relationship of mutual respect and love. I'm a psych major, I'm educated, gone through my own addiction issues and come out on the other end relatively healthy. I feel ready. And I feel like I can empathize, even have compassion for his situation while also not being naive and getting "sucked in".
Maybe I am an eternal optimist, but I say tell him this.
This is what you want, and see if he wants that too.
whenever you see him, act as if this is the way it is.
I waited my entire life for my father to say I love you or I am proud of you.
I even went to his death bed (cirrhosis of the liver),
He did not recognize me, he thought I was my mother.
He called me by her name.
I was glad he was happy to see "her".
My mother had never forgiven or forgotten.
I have had my issues too with alcoholism, and with my own kids addiction.
Life is too short for awkward conversations.
Be straight, honest and forthright.
That is what being in recovery is about, I think. Or part of it anyway.
No more pretense, covering up or lies.
Just you.
What you want.
You will not get what you do not ask for.
Go for the whole enchilada.
I wish I had the chance to do it again.
Beth
With you in spirit.
