Hi MAlan, there are some incredible words of wisdom already here so I don't think I can add much to what everyone else has said but I will reiterate what worked for me.
First, what Dee said---those four things. They are absolutes in my life these days. And, as everyone including Dee said, you just have to come to the point that you realize that you can
never drink again. How that comes to each person is different. Some people have catastrophic "bottoms" and see the light, others just get so tired that they can't stand themselves anymore (like IWillWin is saying). I had both catastrophic things happen to me and the general tiredness of the life of an alcoholic. In the end, oddly, it was more the tiredness than the catastrophes. In either case, the essential, ESSENTIAL, thing for me was coming to the conclusion that I can never, ever, ever drink again. Not one time, not one drop. The cucumber/pickle analogy above is awesome and sums it up. For alcoholics there is no moderation. Best to just accept that as the truthiest of the truth and go from there.
I don't know how you get there because everyone is different but all I know for sure (and maybe the only thing I know for sure) is that you have to get there. Once you do, it'll make all the difference.
(Then you've got to gather all the tools around you to help you remember why you're there but first, get there).
Good luck to you, you can totally do this!!
We're rooting for you and please keep posting
